2014 was the year that I went on a journey to find myself and to become a better me. It has been quite a journey so far. As I look back, there are some things that I have had to face and some things that I am still going through. I really believe that this year is having me face my dependency and pushing me to become more independent. I am faced to come to terms with my weaknesses and to push myself further. I believe that this year is the year that I keep pushing to follow my dreams and find my path in this world.
I wish that it was as easy as it sounds. In March, I had to come to terms with the fact that my husband and I have irreconcilable differences and that my marriage was over. This was hard for me because I had tried everything that I could to make my marriage work but it wasn't good enough. So, I had to pick up the missing pieces of my life and move on. Or so I thought. The beginning of the month led to a set of events that led up to me losing my job, moving out of my house and starting my own business. I moved in with my best friend and I thought that my life would change for the better and that I would start moving forward.
When I moved in, I was under the impression that I was going to go to Law School (work on my studies) and work starting my own business. Things sounded less stressful and they started looking up. For the first month, even though I was grieving for my lost life, I started losing weight, went on a couple of road trips, worked on school work and just started enjoying life again (stress-free). I wish this was the case but it seems like we cannot run from our problems because they come and find us.
Lets just say that the honeymoon of my new life started to wear off in the middle of the month of June. During this time, my body starting doing things that I could not understand. I was getting tired all of the time and there were times where I would find myself falling asleep for no reason. I thought that I might have a case of sleep apnea. Because of the sudden changes, it started to become hard for me to keep up with my studies. I couldn't focus, retain information or memorize anything. This is difficult when 99% of the work that you do requires you to retain laws, rules of law and how to apply these rules to certain situations. My grades started to plummet.
As this is going on, the starting of my business gets delayed because of financial problems and I start to realize that I need to look for a job. This has been one of the biggest hurdles of my life. Finding a job used to be so easy for me. I would find a job that I was interested in and even qualified for and I would apply. 9 times out of 10 I would get hired. Now, it seems like I am over-qualified educationally and under-qualified with experience, or vice versa or there is just someone who gets it over me for whatever reason. It's hard because I worked so hard to get where I am and I can't even utilize or showcase me skills because someone won't give me a chance. The funny thing is that they couldn't give me a reason. They just hired the other person and it makes me so angry because I know that I could have done the job right. I would have worked hard and shown them that I was the right candidate to hire.
So, I have been dealing with this and my medical and financial issues. I finally saw a doctor about my medical issues and I was really nervous of going because I was afraid of a certain diagnosis. After all of my test results came back, I ended up having the very thing that I did not want to have. I was going to have to live with my biggest fear. I had to come to terms with this illness. but, I found a support group with people I had no idea had the same illness as me. They told me that this illness is not a death sentence but a blessing. As long as you learn how to control your diet and manage it, it is a blessing for your health.
I started thinking about this. The worst thing that I did not want to happen actually happened this year and I am no worse off then I was before. I had to face my fears, look them dead in the face and tell them that they do not scare me anymore. I realized that this year I was moving into a direction where my life changed for the better, yet I was hit with a lot of obstacles and negative energy. I guess the test was or is about how we react to those lemons that life throws at us. How are we supposed to react after the storm?
As I look closer to what I have gone through this year, I realize that facing my fears is supposed to be a test of my character. How can I be successful in life if I let something like my fears hold me back? I have to choose what path in life that I want to walk. And a life where fear holds me back seems to be the person that I want to get away from. I want to live a life where I am not afraid to take risks and to push myself to follow my dreams. A life where I can be myself and share myself with the world.
As I continue to look closer at my life this year. I realize that I have lost over 50 lbs and am becoming healthier and happier every day. I realize that I am finding out who I am as a writer, a student and a professional. I am working harder to push myself as a writer and a poet. One of the risks that I have taken this year is starting to write again. I submitted my poetry anthology to a publishing company and th
Staying Positive or walking that path and native american heritage month
I wish that it was as easy as it sounds. In March, I had to come to terms with the fact that my husband and I have irreconcilable differences and that my marriage was over. This was hard for me because I had tried everything that I could to make my marriage work but it wasn't good enough. So, I had to pick up the missing pieces of my life and move on. Or so I thought. The beginning of the month led to a set of events that led up to me losing my job, moving out of my house and starting my own business. I moved in with my best friend and I thought that my life would change for the better and that I would start moving forward.
When I moved in, I was under the impression that I was going to go to Law School (work on my studies) and work starting my own business. Things sounded less stressful and they started looking up. For the first month, even though I was grieving for my lost life, I started losing weight, went on a couple of road trips, worked on school work and just started enjoying life again (stress-free). I wish this was the case but it seems like we cannot run from our problems because they come and find us.
Lets just say that the honeymoon of my new life started to wear off in the middle of the month of June. During this time, my body starting doing things that I could not understand. I was getting tired all of the time and there were times where I would find myself falling asleep for no reason. I thought that I might have a case of sleep apnea. Because of the sudden changes, it started to become hard for me to keep up with my studies. I couldn't focus, retain information or memorize anything. This is difficult when 99% of the work that you do requires you to retain laws, rules of law and how to apply these rules to certain situations. My grades started to plummet.
As this is going on, the starting of my business gets delayed because of financial problems and I start to realize that I need to look for a job. This has been one of the biggest hurdles of my life. Finding a job used to be so easy for me. I would find a job that I was interested in and even qualified for and I would apply. 9 times out of 10 I would get hired. Now, it seems like I am over-qualified educationally and under-qualified with experience, or vice versa or there is just someone who gets it over me for whatever reason. It's hard because I worked so hard to get where I am and I can't even utilize or showcase me skills because someone won't give me a chance. The funny thing is that they couldn't give me a reason. They just hired the other person and it makes me so angry because I know that I could have done the job right. I would have worked hard and shown them that I was the right candidate to hire.
So, I have been dealing with this and my medical and financial issues. I finally saw a doctor about my medical issues and I was really nervous of going because I was afraid of a certain diagnosis. After all of my test results came back, I ended up having the very thing that I did not want to have. I was going to have to live with my biggest fear. I had to come to terms with this illness. but, I found a support group with people I had no idea had the same illness as me. They told me that this illness is not a death sentence but a blessing. As long as you learn how to control your diet and manage it, it is a blessing for your health.
I started thinking about this. The worst thing that I did not want to happen actually happened this year and I am no worse off then I was before. I had to face my fears, look them dead in the face and tell them that they do not scare me anymore. I realized that this year I was moving into a direction where my life changed for the better, yet I was hit with a lot of obstacles and negative energy. I guess the test was or is about how we react to those lemons that life throws at us. How are we supposed to react after the storm?
As I look closer to what I have gone through this year, I realize that facing my fears is supposed to be a test of my character. How can I be successful in life if I let something like my fears hold me back? I have to choose what path in life that I want to walk. And a life where fear holds me back seems to be the person that I want to get away from. I want to live a life where I am not afraid to take risks and to push myself to follow my dreams. A life where I can be myself and share myself with the world.
As I continue to look closer at my life this year. I realize that I have lost over 50 lbs and am becoming healthier and happier every day. I realize that I am finding out who I am as a writer, a student and a professional. I am working harder to push myself as a writer and a poet. One of the risks that I have taken this year is starting to write again. I submitted my poetry anthology to a publishing company and th
Staying Positive or walking that path and native american heritage month